I Can’t Wait to Find Out How This Turns Out

chooseAdventureIt seems Neil Patrick Harris is coming out with an autobiography, but not one of those boring kinds that only turns out one way.  I think this is an excellent idea; I just hope it isn’t as depressing as Inside UFO 54-40.

 

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Hey, Remember When Amazon Was Just Squeezing People Who Sold Stuff?

bezos2Guess now you can only buy certain things from them, too.  I rather doubt much will be done about it, legal-wise, since US law is a lot more concerned with monopoly than monopsony, but this strikes me as the kind of thing everyone was worried about when Amazon first started undercutting bookstores, then going after publishers.  Seems a little early to make the big move, though.  I thought the plan was to drive all the other sellers and publishers out of business first, then put the squeeze on the customer when it was too late for them to go anywhere else.  So maybe Bezos never planned on rising to be the only bookseller/producer in existence.  I don’t know what the plan is, given all this, of course.  I kind of thought the idea was that Amazon could start making a profit once they could set whatever price they felt like, but I guess the idea is to just make things harder to buy without actually making more money doing it?  Man, this is why I’m not a captain of industry – I just don’t understand this customer-focused business model.

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Well, I know What Song Will Be Stuck In My Head All Night

readingRainbowSo what the heck, your turn.  And you know, there are worse things to spend your money on.  And you obviously need to get to at least the $35 level, so when people come over and see your fridge you can be all like “Oh, yeah, my buddy Levar sent that to me.  Perhaps you recall Geordi La Forge?”

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Irony!

ironSo I got a speeding ticket today, and I discovered upon arriving home that my certificate of completion of the defensive driving course had arrived.  Obviously, you have failed to design a proper driver safety course, National Safety Institute.  Ironically, had I taken the course one week later, it would have neatly expunged all the points on my license I just picked up, but since it has been years since I last got a ticket, it did me no good on that score (though clearly, I should get a refund of my course fee, since it didn’t take).  As an author, I try to live these bits of irony whenever possible.

Oh, and this is pretty ironic, too

 

 

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The Startling Language of Driver Safety Courses

badDrivingI recently took one of those defensive driving courses online, in order to get a discount on my car insurance rates.  This is not my first time taking the course, so I knew what to expect – one hour of material stretched to 6 hours through statistics rendered meaningless through lack of context (118,000 drivers are over 65 years old , and 124,000 are under 20!), potentially useful information with shaky relevance to driving (alcohol can cause peptic ulcers!), and startling contentions with no citations (20% or drivers have fallen asleep at the wheel!).

But we can all learn something from the prose stylings of whoever wrote up the bullet points for that course.  For one thing, they really know how excite the reader’s interest with sentences like “School buses carry our most precious cargo (children)”.  I mean, who ever would have guessed what they meant by “precious cargo” without that parenthetical?  School buses, after all, carry many other things, like, um, old gum, and the occasional forgotten pencil.

But my favorite is this bit of prose magic: “You might think that is true, but it is contrary to actuality”.  What kind of lame-o says “that is incorrect”, amirite?  “Contrary to actuality” is way classier, and I, for one, intend to use it from now on.

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Well, I Don’t Know What I Expected

GigerH.R. Giger died yesterday, and it seems appropriate to link to a set of pictures from the famous artist’s garden.  It’s about what you’d expect, I guess.  Reminds me of my visit to Boris Valejo’s Pennsylvania compound.  Some of us can’t get out to Switzerland so easily, and have to make do, you know.

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Statistical Writing

frogMusicI read an interesting interview not long ago with Emma Donoghue and two of her editors – one from the US and one from Canada.  The considerations one has with trying to reconcile the comments of various people who don’t necessarily agree with one another is an intriguing thing.  But the thing that struck me was when Emma discussed her third (UK) editor, and how she’ll assign less weight to a problem only one of the three mentions.  In particular, she mentioned that one of her three editors had figured out who the murderer was early in Frog Music, and this was too high of a percentage.

Now, look.  You’ve only got three editors, which sort of gives you a whopping two degrees of freedom in this statistical analysis you’re performing.  Not something you really want to make decisions based on.  But worse than that, you can’t go around shouting “Thirty-three percent!” when you’ve got exactly one sample falling into that category.  One slight tip in the other direction and you’d think zero percent of your editors had guessed the murder, and where would that put you?  What if you decided the ideal number of people who figured it out was ten percent?  How would you ever know how close you were?  This is why all writers need a solid education in mathematics and statistics.

Also, I had a similar problem myself not long ago, and I thought 33% was about right.

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Again With the Libraries

happinessSo this post is by way of being a test for myself.  Back with the old blog, I wrote a series of posts on libraries, and despite a great deal of temptation, I managed to avoid calling down vast amounts of web traffic with the particular kinds of pictures of librarians that are quite popular, and are legion on the internet, settling instead of staid and educational photos.

I resolved to avoid library posts altogether after the last one, lest I give in and trade massive page hits for the integrity which you, my reader, have come to expect.  But not long ago, a study on “Quantifying and Valuing the Wellbeing Impacts of Culture and Sport” was done in the UK, and now that I’m here in a new blog, I thought perhaps I could give it another go.  After all, it combines two of my favorite things: libraries and quantifying stuff.

It will come as no surprise that visiting libraries is a great path to happiness, worth almost 1,400 pounds/year/person (happiness and libraries – you see how well I resist temptation?)  Libraries are worth more happiness value to the typical person than taking in a bunch of art or playing sports, in fact. Not only does this tell us that readers are not only smarter than most people, but happier, it also lets us know what should be first on the chopping block when public resources are scarce.  Sorry, museums and stadiums.

 

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Maybe If It Was All Just a Dream…

story-arc-1Well, there goes my idea for a story about a time-traveling zombie mermaid with a clockwork tail that finds herself in a parallel world, bound for revenge against the incestuous, rapist bridge-dwelling troll responsible for her own bizarre birth.  Just as well, because I hadn’t managed to come up with a proper twist ending.

 

 

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Genres, Again

bloodMeridianI’m a bit out of the loop, so it was only recently that I became acquainted with the “New Adult” genre, though I confess I don’t quite understand it.  I guess it is for people who are over eighteen, but only want to read about people their age or something?  Are there lots of them?

At any rate, since I tended to read regular old adult books as a teenager and even younger, I am more interested in children’s books, and specifically the intersection of children’s books and adult books.

And I’ve run across two sets of these intersections lately: Poorly advised amalgams of children’s books and literary fiction, as well as several classic children’s books retold for adults.  Personally, I think this is the way to go, since it doesn’t talk down to anyone, and cashes in on nostalgia to boot.

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